If you are not happy..

“If you are not happy, upset, sad:

1. Know: Everything is changing. It is impermanent. It’s a passing phenomenon. Have conviction about this.

2. You have the capacity to face it. You are much more powerful than a situation or problem that is in front of you.

3. Look at those who have greater problems than you. People in Sri Lanka, people in Iraq, even here in inner city areas – see what crisis or problem they have. And do something for them. When you start doing something, then your problem will appear like nothing, miniscule. Your problem will get solved…because it appears like nothing big.

4. Know: You have always been helped. Haven’t you been helped? Look back and see…Have that faith: I will get help. I will move through it. Nature will take care. God will take care… It will be handled.

5. See: In this whole cosmos, everything is nothing. Every particle is nothing. I am nothing, we are nothing, this is all nothing. A few moments of that awareness that everything is nothing brings enormous strength and courage in you. And love… See when you are angry, you say ‘I give up.’ When that comes from knowledge, the ‘I give up’…intense prayer happens: I can’t handle this. I give up.

From Talks by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Sri Sri talks on Desires in Life

Q: I realize how attached I am to some of my desires and dreams, such as, having a family for example. Do I have to practice detachment to make it happen? Does the spiritual path involve detachment from all of our desires?

Sri Sri: Look, if you have too many desires that is a problem. it is too scattered. Focus on one desire at a time.
Do you really want to get married? Why didn’t you do it so far? Are you being too picky and choosy? When the time comes you don’t go ahead, and later on you think you cannot find anybody.

Once a gentleman who was in his 60’s came to me and said, ‘Gurudev, I am looking for a soul mate, but I haven't found one’.
I said, 'Wait for another 15 years, you’ll find her in heaven'.
You know, don’t be too fussy about it. Look for a good person and get married. Even if they’re not good, you can change them, make them better!

I want to tell you a story about the Shakespeare of India. Have you heard about him? His name was Kalidasa and he is called the Shakespeare of India because he wrote some of the most excellent work in Sanskrit literature.
If anyone wants to learn Sanskrit, they cannot miss Kalidasa. How he became Kalidasa is very interesting.
There was a great king, a very well known emperor of India. He had a daughter and his daughter was very beautiful. She was very intelligent, very smart and knew everything with perfection. So it was very difficult for the king to find a suitable match because she had to interview him.
See, in India, in the ancient times, women had all the power! It is the women who chose men, like Sita had her own Swayamvara. A Swayamvara is a ceremony where the woman can choose the person with whom she wants to get married.

So, the story goes, all the princes from the princely states were invited. Princes from many places flocked there because they had heard about her intelligence and her beauty. Some were very scared, as she would ask them a question and nobody could answer her questions.
So she rejected everybody, and year after year this kept happening. The king was a little worried but the prime minister was quite annoyed. She probably insulted him and the story goes that he was annoyed with her. The prime minister thought, ‘I have to teach this shrew a lesson, I have to tame her'.
So once he was passing by the forest and he saw a wood cutter who was sitting on the branch of a tree and cutting the head of the branch!. Suddenly an idea struck him and he said, ‘Hey come down!'
When he came down he said, 'You come with me'.
The woodcutter agreed and the minister asked him to be silent and only answer the questions with hand gestures. So he dressed the woodcutter up a little bit, and took him to the palace. He went to the princess and said, ‘I have brought a really brilliant guy for you’.
She said, ‘Okay, I will propose three questions to him’.
So she asked him, what is the truth of the world, he answered showing his index finger.
Then she asked, how the creation was created, and he answered by gesturing the number two with his hand.
The third question also passed in a similar fashion and she was very impressed. So she got married to him. When she got married, then she realized that he did not even know to write an alphabet. He was just a wood cutter in the forest. She felt cheated, but during those days in India, once you marry, that is it. You marry with all the five elements as a witness and then you are wedded for life.
Now she felt very cheated. She went to the temple and she cried before the Mother Divine. Then she realized how arrogant she was. She rejected so many people and caused pain to so many because she was trying to choose someone better, someone who could defeat her, but look what happened. She wanted to be defeated in a different sense, but she got defeated in another sense. She does this and she goes into deep meditation.
It is said, at that time, the Mother Divine came and asked this man, who was sitting there completely bewildered, to stretch his tongue out. So he stretched his tongue and she wrote Om on it. With this experience he immediately started reciting a poem called Smalaya Tandegam, and from then on he was known as the Kalidasa.
Kalidasa wrote the most exquisite of literature and wonderful poetry; such deep description, such intelligence, and so much pun in it. It is considered very beautiful.
So if you get somebody who is not up to your mark, I tell you, you have the ability to change them! This is the reason why I said this story. Believe in it (ability) and move on. If it doesn't happen over a few years, you have your way and they have their way
From Talks by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Talk by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar to make correct decisions

His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar has inspired a global phenomenon of compassion and service. A spiritual leader and humanitarian, his programs have impacted more than 25 million people worldwide. He is the founder of the Art of Living Foundation, a multi-faceted organization that offers a wide array of educational and humanitarian programs that uplift individuals, make a difference in local communities, and foster global change.
Q: How do I know if I am making the correct decision?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: When you make a decision, somewhere you get the gut feeling that says, ‘Yes, this is correct.'
Even if you take a wrong decision, it always leads you to growth. You become stronger; you learn a lesson somewhere deep inside.
Q: Please speak about compassion.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: In life there are three things, which are essential:
1. Passion
2. Dispassion
3. Compassion
Passion is like breathing in, and Dispassion is like breathing out. No one can say, ‘I want to only breathe in, I don’t want to breathe out.' Impossible! So breathing in is essential, and that is Passion for things in life. Then, there is also a need for Dispassion. Dispassion means the ability to just let go of everything. Dispassion brings you relief and then Compassion becomes your nature. So you must have Passion when you do work, Dispassion when you want to rest, and Compassion as your very nature. That is it!
Q: Please talk about Reciprocity.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Reciprocity is very natural.
At a higher state of mind, reciprocity is instantaneous. Only when someone is not sensitive there is no reciprocity.
Often people reciprocate the bad things. If you blame somebody, they are ready to blame you immediately. If you insult somebody, they insult you immediately, but it is not the same for the good.
If you do something good, not everybody think they should reciprocate the goodness. That happens only when the mind is at a higher state.
Q: I am going through a separation. My wife and I have chosen different paths and live different lives. We both want our child to be with each of us. In this situation, what is the wisest thing to do?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: The child should be exposed to both paths and allowed to choose.
If there is no understanding between the couple, it is definitely a strain on the child.
What both parents should keep in mind is that they should not go on blaming each other in front of the child. Putting the child against one of the parents is no good. That is a very narrow minded approach.
Q: Gurudev, sometimes what make me happy conflicts with the expectations of my family and friends? In that case what do I do?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Yes, you need to balance both. Balance between your search for happiness and the expectation of others from you. It is a little delicate but you should definitely make an effort.
Q: What is the need for meditation and relaxation?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: When you relax, the mind expands.
Have you noticed when you are happy what happens? Something inside you starts expanding.
And when you are unhappy what happens? Something inside you starts shrinking.
So when you relax the body, then the mind starts blossoming.
Q: Please tell us what is death?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: There is no need to define death. It is an obvious phenomenon. We are born and we are going to die one day.
When we came to this world, the first thing we did was we took a deep breath in, and then we started crying. And the last thing we will do in this life is breathe out, and then others will cry.
If we don’t make others cry, then we have not lived a good life.
When the soul leaves the body with full contentment, with a lot of love and wisdom, then it is not compelled to come back. It can come back on its own will.

Q: Please let us know what is the biggest limitation for human beings?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Body has limitation, mind has limitation, but the spirit has no limitation.
When you think you are the body then you have limitation. Then you can do only that much.
When you think you are the mind, mind also has some limitation. But your love has no limitation. Your consciousness has no limitation.
See, how with one small cell phone, you can reach the whole world. You can reach any number of phone numbers with one call phone, isn’t it?
Similarly our mind, which invented the cell phone is much more powerful than the cell phone itself. You only need to make it available.
Q: What should I do if the stress factor is coming from outside. If it is something I do not control or it is beyond me. How do I transmit peace?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: That is why we need to educate people on how to handle their stress. If one person is not well in the family, does it not affect the whole family? Yes, it does affect. Similarly, if a few are mentally unwell in the society, crime increases in society.
There are people who are in prisons who say, 'Oh, now we don't want to be in violence', but there are so many more outside who are causing problems to society and that is why we need to give this spiritual education to people.
We need to educate people on how to be calm, how to handle their negative emotions and how to handle their mind, because neither at home, nor at school did anyone teach us how to handle our mind. So then there is anger, jealousy and hatred, and when you live with these emotions then you act on them. You don't know how to get rid of it. You hold on to it and then you act from that and then you regret. This is the problem.
These practices and this knowledge here is the solution.

From Talks by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Overcome the Self Guilt....

How can I become free from the sense of doership?
Sri Sri: Just keep doing, don’t worry about it.
I think you have too much time to sit and think, 'Am I the doer or not'. Just do what you are suppose to do.

Every action has a reward; pleasant, unpleasant, or mixed. There are only three types of rewards. When you act, that action brings you some positive reward, or some negative reward, or some positive and negative reward. The effect of all these rewards stay only for some time. So the wise will not worry about it.
In every action there is something positive and there is something that is negative. An action cannot be 100% perfect. Focus on the positive things that develop out of an action. And don’t worry about the effect of the action, just keep moving.
If you have done a wrong action, that has taught you a lesson not to repeat it next time. If you have done the right action, it encourages you to do many more of the same right actions.
If you find that in the action you did, there are some things that you could improve, then you can always improve on that.
Just move on, don’t say, 'I am the doer', or, 'I am not the doer'. Anyway no one is a doer in one sense, and in another sense, yes, you are the doer, because inside of you there are two.

There is a beautiful story in the Upanishads which says, 'On the tree of this universe, there are two birds sitting, one is enjoying the fruit, the other is just watching, like a witness'. So, there is one aspect of you that is not doing anything, that is much bigger. And there is one aspect in you that is doing everything. Both are present in you.
Now you might ask, 'How?'
On one level, you find that you are changing. Your thoughts are changing, your emotions are changing, your body is changing. Yet at another deeper level, there is something in you that is not changing at all; it is the same. So it is not one or the other, it is both together simultaneously.

When guilt eats you up, or pride takes over your head, then you should understand that you are not the doer. Do you get it?
When you do something very good and you say, 'Oh I did it, I did it', that too makes you unhappy. Doing something good also make you unhappy because you do so much and then you say that nobody recognizes you, nobody listens to you.
So not being recognized for your good work makes you miserable, and if you do something wrong, that too eats up your spirit and creates a sense of guilt. When such things happen, know that you are not the doer. Be a witness then.

People who have committed the biggest crime on the planet, somewhere deep inside, they think, 'Hey, I didn’t do it, how did this happen'.
They feel surprised and shocked, and they feel that they are not the doer, it just happened. If you talk to the biggest criminals on the planet, you will see that they find themselves being caught by an (criminal) act. Same way, someone who has done some excellent work, they also feel that it just happened; everything fell into place. That non-doership is an experience in itself.

When you have to do things, then don't say, 'Oh, I am not the doer'. Don’t go into that mode. It will only tear you apart. If you have to focus on some work, focus and just do it.
I am not a doer, is an experience, sometimes it just dawns on you. And it is also a reminder to you when you are reeling in guilt, or in arrogance.


You say when we are scared of something, we should face our fears. My question is where do I get the courage to face these fears?
Sri Sri: Know that you are not alone, and there is a universal power that loves you, and is with you. When you remember that you are being loved very dearly, fear vanishes. All your troubles begin because you don’t believe you are being loved very dearly. That is where the whole problem starts, and you start behaving in ways that pushes everybody away. You create a misery for yourself, because you doubt yourself; Am I good enough? Am I being loved? Does God love me or not? Do people love me or not? These sort of doubts.
Just take it for granted that you are loved and liked, even if you’re a buffoon. Even if you are a clown, you are loved and enjoyed. People like you however you are. Just move on, don’t sit and spend too much time worrying about yourself, examining yourself, and re-examining. Just take up a commitment and do what you need to do, and take deep rest with dispassion.

Three things are essential, Passion, Dispassion and Compassion.
When you have passion, you don’t worry. When you don’t have passion, that is when you sit and worry. Hesitation comes when you lack passion. Without passion life loses all its charm and you slip into depression. Passion is essential; invoke the passion.

Not only passion, dispassion is also essential. People tell you that you should be passionate, but I say you should also have dispassion. Dispassion is often thought to be a depressed state of affairs. People look very depressed and think this is dispassion. This is a completely wrong understanding.
Dispassion makes you centered. It keeps your smile and equanimity. It keeps the intellect sane and emotions balanced. When you have dispassion you will stop complaining about anything to anybody. The world is the way it is, you won’t complain about people or situations, and you won’t complain about yourself. This is dispassion.

Many times we complain about others, including the ones we love the most. We make the other person defensive, or make them give explanations. It is such a headache!
Initially I used to get swayed by this. People would say, ‘You don’t look at me’, or ‘You don’t talk to me’, or ‘Are you angry with me’, my goodness! These days I do not answer such questions. If you think so, let it be. So be it. Never mind! When you get beaten up a little bit by your own emotions, that makes you strong somewhere.

It’s all just a matter of wanting attention. You give attention and they are alright. Just like babies – if you don’t attend to them they throw tantrums just to draw your attention. Have you noticed this? When you have guests at home and you are busy talking to them, that is when the children want to show you their paintings. They have already shown it to you ten times. But when you are having an important discussion, they come and disturb you! You wonder that this child was quiet, what happened all of a sudden!
We have not grown up from that stage, we always want attention from people. And for this attention we create tension for the others.
So with dispassion, you neither have attention deficiency, nor do you have any tension. You won’t sit and crave for attention. Dispassion is essential.

One more thing that is really beneficial is compassion. When you have compassion it propels you, it motivates you. When you have compassion for those who do wrong, you don’t feel hatred or bitterness towards them. Compassion greases passion and dispassion, and balances them out.

Dear Gurudev, all our lives we seek for love in our relationships and yet this love is so temporary. What is ultimate love or the love that never goes away?
Sri Sri: You are made up of the stuff called love. What you are seeking here and there is what you are. Turn inward and repose. When you find that you don’t need love from anybody and you are the source of it, then you start giving. When you start giving in abundance, it comes back to you in abundance.

When I see beauty and talent in others, my mind either starts putting them down or feels jealous. I am complete in myself then why does mind reel in lack?
Sri Sri: Perhaps you don’t realize that someday everybody is going to die. All those beautiful people, they are also going to die. All those living in the past were beautiful, and wars were fought and they all died. Those who you are jealous about, they are also going to die. Wake up and look, where is the jealousy? What is beauty? The so-called beauty that we think is only skin deep, is not beauty.
Beauty is the nature of our own spirit. When you are happy and content, the quality of consciousness or life that dawn inside you is the real beauty, not the outer appearance.


What is the best way to dissolve our karma?
Sri Sri: Just keep acting. Don’t worry, karma is past. Knowledge, awareness, meditation and good action, these things erase the past karma.
Being aware and knowing that the past is past, that it happened for whatever reason; the awareness of this knowledge itself erases the past karma. Do good actions, do something good.
From Talks by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar